It's shocking to discover that Bhutanese are gifted drinkers, almost everybody can drink anything. Everybody talks in English. One day English will become official drunk language. I hate the kindness in the bar, everybody wants to get you drunk. If you drag that person and ask him to buy a dinner he might run away. That sort of kindness.
Anyway, today is Tuesday and I hope some of you didn't drink so let me present to you some of my findings and analysis after witnessing the endless drunk drama for the last many years. I have shortlist 12 groups of people who should not drink and justified why. Please check if you should fall in one or more groups listed below and reconsider you drinking habit. Of course if you are already drunk you won't care which group you are in.
Be kind to yourself and Don't Drink...
- If you are under 18, that's the only legal restriction against drinking, at least respect that.
- If you are sick and doctor has advised you against drinking. Don't waste national healthcare resources if you are purposely ruining your health.
- If you are a tanker. Because you will regret the bill next morning, that is if you have paid. Again that liver inside you is not as greedy as you.
- If you lose consciousness, because anything could happen to you. You don't want to wake up naked in a stranger's home.
- If you sleep in the drain, because you will feel very cold in the morning. If it rains then you may drown, and become the first man in Bhutan to drown in a foot deep drain. Try setting better records.
- If you become aggressive and pick up fights with everybody who looks at you, because you don't want to be beaten like a snake and still wake up in prison. That's little ok compared to all the strength you showed on kicking stray dogs, and asking them to fight you back. And worse even, when you start punching window panes and car windows- you don't want to wake up to thousands of Ngultrum damage bill.
- If you become emotional, because you will cry and make people listen to your endless bollywood story and in between you will land up leaking all your dirty secrets and next day you will see that you have ruined some relationships.
- If you become Bill Gates after two shots. It's called Asha Passa in Dzongkha. You become the center of attention for being everybody's sponsor and you know what will happen after reaching home. You only feel like Bill Gates but you know you are not Bill Gates.
- If you are going through a problem in life, because you already have a problem why do you need more? (Contributed by Kelzang Dawa)
- If you suffer from hangover the next morning because that makes you the dumb ass who pays to get sick.
- If you are driving, because if you die your family will not get insurance. They will only get your bloody body in pieces. At least die with honour and leave behind something.
- If you are a parent, because no kid will give a damn about what a drunkard parent says.
- If you are married, because divorce is already rampant, you don't have to contribute.
- If you can't pay the bill. Do I have to say anything about this? At least earn something in life before you settle on drinking. You don't want to look like one of those beggars who gets sworn by everyone. Remember your parents' money is not yours, so don't waste their money on your drinking.