Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

30 July 2014

People Who Should Not Drink

I told you Bajothang has over hundred places to drink. In these hundred places how many people must be drinking every night. I go out with Kezang and our close friends often and saw different people drinking different drinks differently in different places. Because I drink very little and manage to remain very composed I land up watching dramas of drunk people.

It's shocking to discover that Bhutanese are gifted drinkers, almost everybody can drink anything. Everybody talks in English. One day English will become official drunk language. I hate the kindness in the bar, everybody wants to get you drunk. If you drag that person and ask him to buy a dinner he might run away. That sort of kindness.

Anyway, today is Tuesday and I hope some of you didn't drink so let me present to you some of my findings and analysis after witnessing the endless drunk drama for the last many years. I have shortlist 12 groups of people who should not drink and justified why. Please check if you should fall in one or more groups listed below and reconsider you drinking habit. Of course if you are already drunk you won't care which group you are in.

Be kind to yourself and Don't Drink...
  1. If you are under 18, that's the only legal restriction against drinking, at least respect that. 
  2. If you are sick and doctor has advised you against drinking. Don't waste national healthcare resources if you are purposely ruining your health.
  3. If you are a tanker. Because you will regret the bill next morning, that is if you have paid. Again that liver inside you is not as greedy as you.
  4. If you lose consciousness, because anything could happen to you. You don't want to wake up naked in a stranger's home.
  5. If you sleep in the drain, because you will feel very cold in the morning. If it rains then you may drown, and become the first man in Bhutan to drown in a foot deep drain. Try setting better records.
  6. If you become aggressive and pick up fights with everybody who looks at you, because you don't want to be beaten like a snake and still wake up in prison. That's little ok compared to all the strength you showed on kicking stray dogs, and asking them to fight you back. And worse even, when you start punching window panes and car windows- you don't want to wake up to thousands of Ngultrum damage bill.
  7. If you become emotional, because you will cry and make people listen to your endless bollywood story and in between you will land up leaking all your dirty secrets and next day you will see that you have ruined some relationships. 
  8. If you become Bill Gates after two shots. It's called Asha Passa in Dzongkha. You become the center of attention for being everybody's sponsor and you know what will happen after reaching home. You only feel like Bill Gates but you know you are not Bill Gates. 
  9. If you are going through a problem in life, because you already have a problem why do you need more? (Contributed by Kelzang Dawa)
  10. If you suffer from hangover the next morning because that makes you the dumb ass who pays to get sick.
  11. If you are driving, because if you die your family will not get insurance. They will only get your bloody body in pieces. At least die with honour and leave behind something. 
  12. If you are a parent, because no kid will give a damn about what a drunkard parent says. 
  13. If you are married, because divorce is already rampant, you don't have to contribute.
  14. If you can't pay the bill. Do I have to say anything about this? At least earn something in life before you settle on drinking. You don't want to look like one of those beggars who gets sworn by everyone. Remember your parents' money is not yours, so don't waste their money on your drinking.
I hope it didn't offend anybody, in case it did offend you please stop drinking. Coming back to myself, I am over 18, I am not sick, I am not a tanker, I don't lose consciousness, I don't sleep in drain, I am not aggressive or emotional, of course I get romantic with my wife, and I pay my bill, therefore I sometimes feel I can drink but then I realized that I am married and I have children and I owe them respect. I drink responsibly but that ain't no good excuse. I drive after drinking and that makes me one very socially irresponsible man. Therefore, I am reconsidering. You?

Good Night 

30 September 2013

Shearee Square

Shearee Square is bravely one of the only kind of Shopping Mall in Thimphu and entire Bhutan. When it open a year ago the huge glass structure with automatic door had bigger surprise inside- the elevator  and escalator. Suddenly Bhutan was taken into the future. It seemed like a whole new way of doing business in the capital city of Bhutan.

The Super Shopping Mall

But after a year the big dream failed to wake fully. The glamorous promise remained and reasons are anyone's guess. But surely it has done a huge service to the timid country:
It's now the informal training center for Bhutanese who are due to travelling abroad to practice how to use escalator and it also disney land for Bhutanese to experience escalator and elevator without having to travel outside. 

27 August 2013

Anderson Silva Influenced 2013 Election

Our 2013 Election gave birth to many schools of thought. The political pundits blamed India, China, Times of India to something as volatile as gas. But nobody blamed Anderson Silva for losing the championship six days before our general election. We are Bhutanese and we believe in signs and that fight was a clear sign that a champion will be knocked out.

There goes the Champion 
When whole country was anxious about the 13th July I was looking forward to Anderson's fight on July 7. I have never seen this man lose a fight ever since I became UFC fan. I had a thoroughly mixed feeling for the champion, I loved the guy so much but for once I wanted to see him being beaten, and again deep inside I had the strong feeling that he is invincible. If you have watched that fateful fight you will know how the invincible clowned with his opponent and paid the price that cannot be forgotten in seven lives.

The political champion in Bhutan, DPT was believed to be invincible too. It was the party with strong leadership pack and strongest of supporters at grassroot and among business class. But during the campaign period they chose Anderson Silva tactics of making fun of the opponent. They wasted huge energy in insulting PDP's helicopter and power tiller...

But in my most generous calculation I could only forecast 17 seats for PDP which was supposed to be 850% better than their 2008 result. Just as the election makes ordinary people political pundits it also makes many people astrologers too. I heard people having dreamt about having chicken curry and others riding horse downstream. I said I saw Anderson Silva not taking the fight seriously and getting knocked out in the second round, I saw a sure winner losing. And what happened on 7th and 13th July both shocked me.

Signs are shown in different shapes and sizes and for a UFC fan the sign was seen in a UFC Fight and the analysis is to be taken seriously as a joke.

21 March 2013

Taj Mahal and The Guide

After seeing Taj Mahal for myself I was convinced that no one can fully express the beauty of the ancient wonder to you. The so many stories, descriptions and poems I saw on TV, read in books and heard from people are nothing compared to what stands there in Agra. Every piece of stone has a story to tell, no wonder it took 22 years to build.
At Taj with Prakash Subedi of Nepal

I can't do justice and therefore I won't dare attempt to describe Taj Mahal but I must tell you this is something you must see in your life time. Thanks to Ajeet Cour and Foundation of SAARC Writers and Literature (FOSWAL) team for taking me to the greatest art of human civilization.

On the other hand, If you have watched Slumdog Millionaire you would remember the little tourist guide at Taj Mahal, which of course is fictional but our guide to Taj was even more entertaining, he has every detail of Taj Mahal by heart and delivers it like a robot in English language of his own. His name is Raj, and he calls himself "Raj by the Taj". Watch my YouTube of the Guide.
And Raj explaining the optical illusion -

24 October 2012

What is Gangnam Style?

'Gangnam style' was the word I was hearing between every line and as always I didn't want to remain ignorant about a topic that was trending so much over the social media, so I looked up for it to find out that there's a heavy guy who dances exactly like me and has become so popular. 

Many days after my Gangnam discovery Kezang asked me, 'What is Gangnam Style?' I did my dance steps to her to show it and as usual she laughed at them. Ok, I took her on YouTube and showed her the real Gangnam style and she laughed harder. Later she told me that we two dance the same. That's it.
All these years people laughed at me when I danced, because I didn't call it Gangnam Style. Now people are trying so hard to dance like me because it's Gangnam Style.

08 October 2012

Rajnikant Effect in my Classroom

I don't have a say over South Indian invasion over Bollywood, nor does anybody have in Indian cinema. Not only all our channels are flooded with south Indian movies but all latest Bollywood hits are remake from south Indian masterpieces. Never imagined Salman Khan, Ajay Devgan and Akshey Kumar would act in copied movies and earn so much fame over night. Even creative Aamir Khan had his share, perhaps the first among them.
Rajnikant's Robot went on to drop Hollywood jaws and when he said, "Shah Rukh's Ra One's total collection wouldn't match up to his Robot's parking fee collection" He said it all. Nobody seemed to mind. They believe, even God doesn't mind Rajnikant.
The South Indian God
But I have a small problem with him ever since  I started teaching Probability chapter to my class VII students. Logically the probability of getting either the head or tail while tossing a coin is 50-50 and I have to use this logic for a few lessons. But my small kids wouldn't believe me, they say when Rajnikant tosses the coin it stands on its edge. Now what? Do we rewrite the whole chapter including Rajnikant-side to a coin?
Head, Tail and The Rajnikant side

22 September 2012

The Truth Behind 'Annual Bath' Jokes

Thruelbub is the day when all our water sources are believed to be blessed and because the blessing falls in the form of divine rain, thruelbub is translated into 'blessed rainy day'. Sometimes it's a sunny blessed rainy day. I see more sense in maintaining the word 'Thruelbub' even in English rather than trying to translate everything into foreign language as if we are predicting the extinction of own language.
Well, on 'thruelbub' every Bhutanese takes a cleansing bath with load of optimism that their body and soul will be purified and that all their sins will be washed away by the water that is blessed. There are religious texts that say how we sin everyday, knowingly and unknowingly and the implication of these sins in the afterlife, yet there is thruelbub that claims to purify us of all our sins, which could mean we could walk clean after the bath no matter how much we have sinned. It's toppling my beliefs, but I am sure if we use a good soap our bodies will stop stinking. For soul, it will take more than a bath in holy water.
There comes the popular joke that thruelbub is an annual bath for Bhutanese, and among good friends we send our greeting like, 'Finally the day has come for you to bathe, please don't miss it'. And some foreigners also assume that we only bathe on this day. It's not true anymore. We shower at least once in two to three days if not daily and even in villages bathing has become a weekly ritual. Therefore the 'annual bath' is an annual joke.
Photo by   John Wehrheim
But once upon a time, when we didn't have toilets, when we didn't have water supply in homes, and when electricity was not there- which is during my childhood in village, 'annual bath' wasn't a joke. I saw people washing their face sometimes, and washing their heads ahead of important occasions but I never saw anybody bathing. Thruelbub is not popular in my village but we have our own annual cleaning day, which is one day ahead of Lomba. On that day our river used to turn black. Every corner of the house gets cleaned, every piece of rag gets washed and every member of the family takes their turn in Menchhu tub. I can still smell the thick layer of cheese-like dirt floating on the wooden tubs. Well this is too much of 'selling my own village talks' but that was what used to happen not long ago. and like thruelbub we also believed that our souls will be purified.
If 'soul purification' value is not attached to the bathing then perhaps our folks would have never bothered to get themselves naked and wash their body fully any time in their lives. Thanks to the day, our folks bathed fully at least once annually.
Happy Thruelbub to all my readers. Optimism is good, but only goodness will purify your soul.

24 July 2012

Don't Envy Teachers' Vacations

Don't envy teachers' vacations, if you check their bags you will see bundles of answers scripts demanding more time than we have vacation. I put all my guts together and left my bundles in my car at Paro airport. But when the flight was delayed for four hours I badly wished if I had brought along the papers in my hand luggage. Nightmare of correcting exam papers didn't leave in Bangkok also, no matter how I try to tell myself that I was on vacation the teacher in me kept worrying about deadlines.
Finally on 14th July I flew back. From Bangkok to Dhaka to Paro to Thimphu to Wangdue to my study table and started correcting papers all in a day. There were hundred things I wanted to blog but nothing seemed more pressing than my papers. I was soon sick of seeing the same post on my blog and many shared the same irritation. Sorry to all my readers who are used to my regular updates. I am back I promise.
I like to thank you for giving me 300 followers and 300,000 hits, which gives me great joy in blogging, and inspiration to explore further. Blogging has long become my source of daily happiness, and last ten days away from my blog was very painful.
Among my painful hours of correcting papers I had hearty laugh with some answers my students wrote. One answer from class VII maths in particular is worth sharing:
The Question was: Rigsar got 2/5 votes, and Bodra got 1/4 votes. Find the Difference in vote between Rigsar and Bodra.
Expected answer was to subtract the two fractions and find the difference which is very obvious but the following answers came from the blue:
A girl wrote: Rigsar is like rock song. It is for shiking body first first. Bodra is slowly.
First I laughed so much then I got worried. Is it her mathematical problem or inability to understand English? Perhaps both. Blame it on me for maths, and the English teacher for the English but I must tell you in the same class I have students who scored in 80s, and I don't take the full credit. But for all the laugh I give her the full credit.
Now I have washed my hand from paper correction and ready to begin the next session with renew hope and same is with my blogging. I must Challenge the Zero Tolerance policy. I must clarify I was not involved in making of the policy nor will I be involved in implementing it. I will be busy correcting students, which is why schools are there, and which is why teachers are there.

15 June 2012

Passing Star

Call it our luck or my daughter's sharpness; Comedian Gem Dorji was passing by through our parking lot and my two and a half year old lil girl who always laughed watching his movies and imitated him spotted the passing star. Then my wife insisted on calling him. I was left confused and nervous halfway through my work in kitchen garden.
I didn't have time to worry much about how he would react, I just greeted him and told him my family is a big fan of his with special emphasis on my daughter's fondness for his jokes.
Not so surprisingly he turned out to be a humble guy who came forward and played with my daughter and agreed to pose with my daughter. Thank you for making our day and leaving behind a special memory. And thank you for being a joker.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


23 April 2012

Phuba Thinley in Sunday Market

It's hard to determine why movie actors and singers are not regarded as stars in Bhutanese society; nobody really becomes excited(or pretends not to be) about seeing one, nobody walks up to them to ask for an autograph or photograph, nobody stops to watch them pass by expect the little children- those honest souls. Rest of us look at them from the corner of our eyes and watch them only when they have passed. Then we make a u-turn and follow them with excitement and without admitting it. We pretend not have seen them, why?
We Bhutanese, I believe, are so full of ego, enough to export across the world. Their movies make us laugh and cry, their songs make us tap our feet and nod our head but we find it so hard to submit it, we find it hard to wave at them when they pass by, we find it hard to shake their hand and tell them how we feel about their latest movie or the song.
I am guilty of hiding my excitement as well but it's more of my worries than my pride, I am worried if the stars are ready and open enough because they are used to being unacknowledged and I could take them by surprise. But to the stars I know- Chencho Dorji, Toeb Kinley Tshering, Tandin Bidha, Pema Yangki and Sonam Choki- I have honestly admitted how their works thoroughly entertained me and my family. I am yet to meet Namgay Gigs to tell him that my daughter was fond of his songs right from the birth, I wish to shake hands with Ugyen Panday and tell them how he transformed the Bhutanese Music Industry, I wish to hug Jangchub Choden and tell her how she touches the bottom of soul.
Phuba, his dimple, me and my little one!
And of all the wishes I met Phuba Thinley in Sunday Market yesterday. I always wanted to tell him how he contributed to my good health and happiness but when I went face to face with him I couldn't say anything, he wouldn't give me any chance, so I went on laughing. He was selling genuine Bhutanese movie CDs and his lozay booklet. Though there was an old man selling same movies (but pirated copies) just a few meters away from him at price 10 times lesser I bought two movies and his booklet from him, and that's my contribution to fighting against open piracy and that's also my love for the big-jaw Phuba Thinley, at the cost of my own pocket. Me and my wife chanced to tell him how his movies are entertaining our daughter and how she is imitating him. He happily posed for photograph with us, where he asked the cameraman (my sister inlaw) to make sure that his dimple appears boldly in the picture- and it did!

14 April 2012

Speech to Remember

The actual movie is over an hour long, recorded and produced by Druk Superstar. I have extracted this portion because it gave me the chance to laugh the laugh of my life, which I wanted to share with everybody. I hope this will be taken in good humor by the honorable minister himself and by the producer of this movie.
It's Lenpo Nandalal's Speech imitated by Ulap Lakey, therefore making it a Speech to Remember: 

11 April 2012

Don't Mess With Me

This cute little dog and I had a bad morning in April last year. I stepped on him and he bit me on my ankle and I had to rush to hospital. I was scared his bite might cause me infection but the poor fella was cool, he knew nothing would happen to him. He didn't visit hospital also. Now, look at him- the price of biting me: lol
Before biting me
and After

27 April 2010

ReBlog: Leave Applications

I know there are some articles I am yet to write but forgive me I forgot them all. I sat here hundreds of times to write something but suddenly I feel empty. So, until I get rid of this block I would like to make some of you laugh the way I did when I read this email from Wangchuk Bidha:

A GNM from JDWNRH: Applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave." 
This is from a Primary Teacher-a keralite: who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
Another gem from NEC-Thimphu, Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."

From Administration section of MoHCA:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."
Another employee from BBSC applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"
An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."
A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."
Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
An official rely from MoLHR to a businessman:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."
Actual letter written for application of leave by an MP (DPT):
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
Letter writing by my son:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
A perspective candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.
How was it? I don't know whose brain is behind this piece... whom ever it may concern, thank you for the laughter