06 March 2012

Father's Name

My father died in 1984, a year after I was born. He shouldn't have jumped into the river, because rest of the passengers survived that fateful bus accident near Katso bridge. I only saw a picture of him when I became 16. Now I am 29, one year older than my father when he passed away but in last many years I had to write his name over a thousand times. From admission form in school, to security clearance form, to job application form,  to income tax from, to promotion form,... every paper on earth seems to want my dead father's name. Sometime I feared it might not let my father rest in peace.
My poor mother gave me the life I am living today, but nobody seems to place any importance in her except myself. No paper ever had a space to write her name. I wish someday we acknowledge the role of a mother in a child's life and ask her name.
My Mother GAKI!
Emotions aside, even if I didn't have a father who held my fingers through life I at least had his name. Let me write it one more time: Lt. Phub Dorji. And some people would read it Lieutenant Phub Dorji. But there are hundred others who have their fathers alive but don't have names to write. These children are victims of so many deprivations in life and the only thing they generously get is humiliation. And I don't think I can write comprehensively on the influence of humiliation on life.
Therefore, I would like to join women activist Kesang Chhoden in seeking government's attention on the 178 cases she brought forth from the dark shadow around Kanglung College. While her demand for DNA Bank may not be easily possible, I hope she has some very practical proposals in place to take the matter ahead. Government should be wise enough not to try and justify the legitimacy of the children or defend itself, rather join the cause for change, so that long after today history will remember them.
Mathematically speaking mother is a constant, no one will ever question the mother of a child,  while father is just a variable and therefore questionable. Finding x can be very difficult and I wonder why all the papers want the name of a variable than a definite constant.


  1. Of all the pieces, this is my all time favorite. I am glad you are getting in depth into social issues and evils. I have all my support to the cause. Glad that you chose to write about it. Having traveled in the same boat, I understand your position PaSsu and what Kesang Choden aims to do.

  2. Wonderful and meaningful post.

  3. wow...PaSsu...a very touching one indeed...I ahve always liked many of your write ups but never commented.

    Here I also agree with you because I am bringing up two kids abandoned by their father since they were infants, and sometimes I wonder why Men in particular are heartless so to say.
    It also crossed my mind that perhaps the father of the Talent Hunt Winner must be crying somewhere in the corner of the world.!!

  4. You have it all in your story-the beats and rhythms of our search. Perhaps you are true that "mother is a constant" and when you put her name at one place it should automatically pop up like our ID No. However, it does not happen in Bhutan and as long as that the mother does not get the opportunity to be the parent, the guardian - the children born out of wedlock suffer. Love it and many thanks.

  5. I am with you in every word. Enjoyed reading.

  6. Passu, So much loving your equation here and hubsonther geometry.
    And glad that the Constant is constant in your heart and written all over you. You are changing the world one reader and grapevine at a time. Keep writing.


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