25 March 2012

Refereeing A Social Fight

Courtesy: oahuleague.com

Last Saturday I was rushing for my evening class when I was stopped by a fight in a rustic local bar. A man held a woman by her hair and pushed her to the ground. He was calling her a 'shameless thief'. She didn't quite look fit for his description but I was yet to understand the story.
I witness the fight from the first minute but I couldn't interfere because I had my adult students waiting for their after-office class.
He went on dragging her around, demanding answers.
Then the woman said, "That's my house too and I have the right over things in there."
The story soon unfolded before me. They were divorced recently after 8 months of marriage. The fight started when the woman, who had moved out, went and took two blankets, which he claimed was his.
I was still weighing weather to run for my class or to be a referee. There were over ten people watching the fight and except for pushing the man out of the bar, nobody said anything. The man went on, "When did we ever get married? Who says you are my wife? I already told you that I don't want you, why are you following me like a dog?" That's when I jumped in.
"Sir, you can't humiliate the lady in public." He was silent. Everybody went silent. "I think your marriage is not working and you have chosen to go separate ways. But there are procedures to settle it peacefully. Have you followed any course of action to settle the matter locally?"
The lady was quick to answer, "No sir, he ran away locking his room when I went to talk with my jabmi."
"In that case sir, you can't claim those blankets or any other things in your house as your until the case is solved because those things belong to both of you. And most importantly you have no right to assault her. There are these many witness to what you have done to her and therefore you could face charges."
By then I was joined by several other elders and the man eventually calmed.
I turned to the woman and suggested her not to do anything that to lead to such fight until the case is settled. And I advised her to seek help from police or RENEW if he assaults her again.
I was 30 minutes late to my class and took another 5 minutes explaining why I was late. Later I wondered if I was even allowed to do that, because I often heard people denouncing the interference in marital affairs. What would have happened if the man turned violent against me? These were some things I didn't bother at that moment but I am happy that I did something wise people won't do. And that makes me a fool!


  1. Who says you are fool??? I think you did something which other people normally dont?

    I appreciate that...

  2. Good Job!I appreciate what you did. I'm sure that woman would be thanking you in her heart!:)

  3. Really appreciate to you la.......!

  4. The people who speak about "interfernce"have black heart.In russia the same situation."you are my property & i'll do with you whatever you want"

  5. I am also hesitant when it comes to interfering in matter relating marital affairs. But the scenario you encountered was just gruesome, and unhealthy. All men should be advocated on respecting, supporting and empowering women. And this advocacy is best initiated by men like you, not demanded by women. Good job!

  6. I have a friend over here in America who is an alcoholic, although he is working to be free from his addiction now, he was a very violent man and beat his wife when he was drunk. He told me that even though he was responsible for what he did, no one, not his family or bystanders took him aside to tell him he needed to stop. No one cared enough for him or his wife to "risk" interfering. He says that's what people need, someone to talk to them to help both sides stop. The man needs to be told to stay away and to stop hurting here and the woman needs support to keep her away from him, since they both have a pattern of co-depedant dysfunctional behavior. You showed great compassion and caring by interfering. Well done. You also demonstrated that men can can be helpful and can stop the cycle of possession and harm to women. Women have suffered at the hands of men in all societies, so I think they do need to demand right. sometimes they will not do it skillfully and make mistakes. We need to support them and let them know how to change men's hearts.

  7. you are not fool sir...you did what most people fear to do. you were brave and saved a lady from getting humiliated further.

  8. You did a great job by refereeing the fight and bringing it to end before the normal time. You are not a fool la, instead we applaud you for keeping your cool, mediating and bringing peace to the two warring factions. Hats off to you Aue; not many people would have done the heroics you did.


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