Surprise Gift from my Wife

My wife Kezang said she had a surprise gift for my birthday last June. Now that was a surprise in itself. It got be nervous because she wasn’t known for any kind of surprises, in fact she hated surprises.

I assumed she was going to do something romantic for once. If she woke me up on my birthday and gave me a flower then I would be surprised because that was the last thing she would do. She’s very romance shy woman, who thinks what happens in movies and books should remain there.

Anyway, my birthday came and went uneventfully, as usual, without any surprise whatsoever. I didn’t show any obvious sign of disappointment but deep down I was upset that she forgot her surprise gift. Few days passed and when she never mentioned about it I had to bring it up.

Me: Where is your ‘surprise gift’?

Kezang: I already gave you, you didn’t notice?

Me: No, is it kind of invisible?

Kezang: Sort of, it was something visible that became invisible.

Me: Come on, just say you forgot it.

Kezang: No, I gifted you your wife’s health!

Me: What do you mean?

Kezang: I quit smoking since your birthday!

Kezang has been smoking even before we met. In between she quit once for three years, from the time she was expecting our daughter till she stopped breastfeeding. But such was a smoker’s urge, only few days after she stopped breastfeeding she just restarted smoking. In three years her urge didn’t die. Those three years were the biggest sacrifice the mother in her had done for her child.

I tried everything I could to make her quit but she just couldn’t. I had blackmailed her, scared her, sweet-talked her, read articles, share inspiring pictures, showed YouTube videos, and even bought substitutes like nicotine chewing gums. She would agree to every word I said but she just couldn’t give up.

I told her that we had to grow old together and see our children grow. I even reminded her of how her skin rejuvenated and glowed when she stopped smoking for three years. I always told her that she was committing a gradual suicide and planning to leave us alone helplessly.

I couldn’t imagine a life without her and she was smoking her life away slowly each day. Soon I began to feel that if it was so much part of her I mustn’t take it away from her, though both of us knew we would have a wonderful life without smoking. She was fighting her own losing battle against it.

But just when I felt so hopeless my unromantic wife gifting me the most romantic gift ever. She has made her choice before it’s late, when the time is right, where there is still enough strength left in our age to rebuild our health. It’s been four months since she quit and now she tells me that her urge is gone completely.

It was indeed the biggest surprise gift ever and I wish this happened to all the couples that are so much in love and have the longing to grow old together. 

Letter to Kelzang Chhoden

Dear Kelzang Chhoden,

Along with thousands of people across the world I read those heartbreaking letters your dear husband Tenzin Dorji wrote to you ever since you left him. It was so painful to read yet so enthralling to avoid. In the midst of reading my vision would blur and before I realise tears would roll down my cheeks.
In those letters we knew you, we saw the radiance of your young heart; in those letters we celebrated your selfless love; in those letters we felt your ambition and drive for change, your perseverance was far ahead of your age; In those letters we pained in your sickness and those letters shattered us in your death.

But you left behind a dream, and I am writing to tell you that your husband lived that dream bigger than you ever thought. You have left him a purpose, a deeper meaning to seek in your death beyond the endless tears and sleepless nights. He hasn't left a single stone unturned in building your dream on his broken heart. I must tell you that your memories have touched countless lives, which pains me to wonder what you would have done if you lived on.
It's the hardest to digest knowing your death was avoidable and I am proud to tell you that your husband fought a hard battle against all the people who were involved. He knows that you are gone forever but he didn't want the same to happen to anybody. I hope this time the message went deep and high.

Tenzin Directing a Child at the Camp!

Your husband engineered your dream into Camp RUF(Rural Urban Friendship) and it has inspired the largest assembly of charitable Bhutanese, they came forward to offer help in all humanly possible ways. They came together to support your husband in his sincerest pursuit of your dream. They seek love, compassion, kindness, and peace in helping him because his love for you, even in your permanent absence, was a heartwarming surprise.

We followed your dream to Dagana, Lungtengang Pry School, the school where you taught. It reminded me of my one year in Sombaykha, Haa. I saw the room you lived in, the ceiling was almost falling down and there is hardly any natural light coming in. The toilet was over hundred meters aways, without water. Tenzin told me how hard it was to walk you over that painful distance at night when you were sick. I felt so guilty knowing that in your sickness you lived in such difficult place while we lived easy urban lives.

The camp, likewise, was a big eye opener for the 54 urban students and volunteers. I had joined over 150 campers as a photographer along with my South India friend. While I grew up in village and had been in equally difficult place yet the camp had so much to offer. It made us realise how many things we have taken for granted, it made us realise how ungrateful we have been. I could see the reflection of how the urban children would feel in my Indian friend. He was a lucky child and he only realised it in Dagana. He was totally underprepared for the place and after four days he literally gave up and I had to leave the camp with him. He still tells me that he is happier than ever after Camp RUF, he says he now has no complains about his life at all. I hope the camp had same impact on all the children too.
Your mother and sister graced the camp and I know how painful it must have been for them to be there but you should have seen the pride in there eyes as they look at your husband. When your mother left she left a message for him, "Tenzin, you are no more my son inlaw, you are my son."

Those four days at Camp RUF with my camera gave me the opportunity to capture the joy of giving, the joy of helping, joy of sharing, the joy of friendship... I will never forget that expression on Ap Phuntsho's face on the day the campers help him rebuilt his home. I wish I had stayed one more day to experience the moment when children visited their host families and gifted them clothes. But I know by leaving the camp early I have saved myself from the terrible pain of departure. Those three evenings where I presented the photo slideshows made me feeling the subtle attachment to those innocent faces and selfless friends I had captured.

At times among the busy crowd of happy campers I saw your husband lost in his thoughts, I know he is wishing if you were there. Sometimes it seems like he gave way too much joy that he had nothing life for himself but he told me that those silent moments were spent in celebrating your memories and thanking you for giving him so many sincere friends and making him live a purposeful life.

Lone Tenzin watching the campers 

It been a while and I am looking back at the pictures from the camp and in those thousand pictures I see how a man can change the world. Your husband made it. I hope the successive camps will be as successful and inspiring.

With Love
Aue PaSsu

P:S: I forgot to tell you that Tenzin has finally decided to move on. He found a Kesang in whom he saw a little bit of you. I met her on my way back. I hope they find in each other the divine love you left behind.

Blessing

It was the October I never want to remember, the october that suddenly took away a beloved family member. My mother inlaw was a simple lady who has lived her life well. She must be the only mother inlaw who didn't complain even once in all these years we have lived together. Even heavens don't know the true fairness. She was a blessing I always cherish. And to her soul I promise that I will always love her daughter, take care of her daughter, and protect her from the world of harm, and that she can peacefully go and find her path to the next life that awaits her.  

In her last hours, when medical science didn't have anything to do, when everything was left to god, and when in between doctors and gods my mother inlaw's life slipping away I watched that screen endlessly and counted my blessings. 

The monitor shows the heart rate, the oxygen level, the blood pressure, the pulse rate, the body temperature... Whenever numbers changed badly and when ever the alarm on the machine went off I called sisters and doctors for help, I pretended to be the strongest and stood by the sick, but I was also reading the faces of people there. Even though my mother inlaw showed good signs of recovery after suffering from stroke, the hospital was preparing us for the worst. My wife cried and begged for her mother's life but after sometime I understood that the hospital has seen too many deaths to be bothered by one dying lady who is occupying their bed in ICU. 

That long painful night I stood by her bed listening to the deafening beep of the machines, suffocating rhythm of the ventilator, and watching the numbers on the screen change now and then, I realized how blessed we are every minute of our lives.
There are hundreds of things that could go wrong inside our body without warning; heart could stop, kidney could fail, blood pressure could fall or rise, temperature could shoot or drop, brain could die, all so suddenly but the fact that we are standing and breathing is a blessing- having our heart beats between 80-100 is a blessing, having our BP close to 120/80 is blessing, regular passing of urine is blessing, having body temperature around 36* is blessing, even being able to breath on our own is a blessing- but these are blessing we don't acknowledge and appreciate until one day one of these begins to misbehave in ourselves or in someone we care. I have seen all of the failing in my beloved mother inlaw to understand how blessed I am and how blessed all of you are despite life's little problems. You are blessed. 

What You Can't Teach Your Family

Wife:

I have been driving for the last four years and have covered over 30,000KM. I had my wife sitting next to me most of the time. She had been by my side from the first day I began driving. She sweated and shivered along with me. We went through the ordeal together. 

I remember her saying, "When I start learning to drive, I think I won't take so long because I have feared my share with you already." It's been four years now, but she still can't drive.

I often heard that a husband can't teach his wife how to drive, which I didn't believe because I am the most patient husband I know. I tried all I could to find time, place, words and mood to coach her. One session, and we are done. After all, the theory applies universally- I failed. She asked me to drive her home before she knew which one among the three pads was the brake. 

After that event, neither of us mentioned anything about driving. Every Sunday morning, I would wish I had tried a little harder- so I could sleep a little longer. 

Happy to know that Ganjung Driving School has come to Bajothang. My wife shall be the first graduate from the school, I promise.

Children:

I am a maths teacher and have taught the subject for the last five years. And in the last five years, my son failed in maths consistently. My son is otherwise a very intelligent child with a very high IQ, but there seems to be something missing in his ability to do maths. 

I was trained and experienced in dealing with average students, but when it came to coaching my son, there seemed to be something wrong in my training or my experience. I have helplessly watched him fail every year. He's been sent to a hostel now. Perhaps he might finally do maths peacefully and surprise me with a pass mark in maths. It's hence proven that a father can never teach his children, especially if he is a teacher.