14 October 2013

Because My Parents Are Divorced...

Once upon our time divorce was a strange word, and we were made to believe that stepparents are always evil. Interestingly I grew up with my stepfather who proved my beliefs wrong. As a child I waited for him to treat me bad so that I could challenge him and run away from home. I was 21 when he died. I thought I cried enough but I was wrong. Often during my sleepless nights I miss him, in fact I could never overcome the tragedy of his death. A part of me was broken forever.

Not all marriages are made in heaven, some people are never meant to be together, and divorce is not everybody's first choice but there comes a point in relationship where all all logical reasoning ends, where the best chance is to stay away from each other. Lucky are the people who could choose their separation this way, unlike my mother who was separated from my father and even my stepfather by the unforgiving hands of death.

Psychologists say that children from broken families are vulnerable to many social problems, and it's mostly true. Some children change overnight and some bury the pain inside until it snaps. But some children selflessly become part of the happiness that their parents gradually find outside of their irreparable marriage. Sometimes it's good for children to live with happily separated parents than to bear with unhappily married parents, who fight every night.

As a teacher I am witness to so many problems related to children in school and being in School Human Resource committee (discipline committee renamed) I had the opportunity to get to the depth of many issues. We have been very sensitive in dealing with children when they appear before us and before we decide on anything we do a thorough background check on them. But recently a new trend of blaming parents' separation as the cause of their mischief has become popular, probably it could could be because of their initial success with the excuse.

  • A boy bunking classes, says he is doing this because his parents are divorced.
  • A girl caught smoking during the lunch break says, she is smoking because her parents are divorced.
  • Boys caught smoking marijuana in the school dustbin tell they are doing this because their parent are divorced.
  • Girl who ran away from home with her lover says parents are divorced.
  • Boy who breaks class window with his punch says he misses his father because he stays with his mother. They are divorced.
  • Girl who drinks during the weekend and found sleeping on the road say she is depressed because of her parents separation.
All the above examples are not real but do have connection to real incidences compiled from different times and places.

With due regard and sympathy for the children who are really suffering, I would like to urge those children who break rules to be honest enough to accept the outcome of your misdeed on to yourselves rather than shamelessly dragging your parents along to take the blame of your selfish behaviours. Know that there are millions of children around the world without parents, without home and without food, and consider yourself very lucky that you have both parents. When you don't appreciate the enormous luck god gives you now and make mockery of it, you may have to live without it someday.

And remember you have to become parents one day...


  1. Nice... I have similar experience and share your view.

  2. I think a lot of these "excuses" are made by children because society tends to stereotype children coming from 'broken families' as being trouble makers.
    While it's important to let these children know that it's wrong to blame their parents for their undesirable behaviour, it's equally imprtant for people to realise that family is family, whether 'broken' or not and every child is the same. It's people's perception and constant judgemental behaviour that pushes these children to taking up unpleasant habits.

  3. very tragic story,...i know how we feel when some one goes away from our eyes,....

  4. As a teacher myself I too came across pupils blaming and dragging parents of their fate in their troubles and I also happen to be a member of the HR committee here in my school.........all in all I witnessed a scene way back in college, in our freshman, that a HIACE bus came to pick you up and later I learnt that you lost your dad...........May his soul rest in peace....with wishes......an old friend.....Lobzang Nima

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